But that’s just the nature of this job, it isn’t always going to be the perfect conditions, and there was a real beauty to the harshness of the mountains that day. Knowing they could have been even more challenging and dangerous had the wind increased, thinking back to the fierce winds of our day on the glacier and what it would been like up here.
It’s just a chilled day of enjoyment in the mountains, pushing my pace, feeling my leg muscles come back stronger and stronger, more and more. My chest is beginning to feel better. Recovery is well under way and I’m becoming more excited for upcoming projects, to throw myself back into shooting again.
Michael falls asleep at about half past seven. I doze and wake and doze and wake. I’m pretty sure I heard a ghost at one point but it was probably the wind. I wonder whether I’d feel comfortable staying in a bothy alone. I’m unsure. I’ll stay in the van alone, I’ll camp alone, I’ll bivvy alone. But part of me wonders whether staying in a bothy alone would be too much for me. Ghosts or no ghosts.
Every time I think I’ve settled into some kind of acceptance about being at home, about missing the winter season, the hills, (the suffering!), the specific kind of creativity that comes with looking through a viewfinder at a wild landscape, I’m then thrown back out of that acceptance.
It quietly turns to blue hour. My legs are tired, there’s a small bubble of frustration deep in my chest at my lack of fitness, but my heart is happy for being out. To have headed out with a tiny camera and trail running packs and to have been rewarded with an evening like this.
I’m stoked, because for this shoot I got to pick my own models, and location. I’m planning to shoot up on Sharp Edge at golden hour, getting a wintry vibe on a summer-autumn morning.
And it’s just that feeling, you know? With being a little uncomfortable but still safe. A feeling you crave.
Blindly enjoying the natural world just isn’t an option for me anymore; sustainable life choices and travel have become intrinsically linked and I’m wondering how I can do more. There’s more to ethical living than veganism.
I am putting more value into being alone. Not just accidentally, but to actually go out and seek aloneness.
So, I packed up the camera bag and we headed out. Out into rain, heavy skies, small breaks.